All about Marriage Counseling:
FAQ

Let’s give you all the answers you came looking for. about marriage counseling.

We know you need it. After all, your future might depend on it. Just like ours did.

We get you and we want to help you...

I remember when we started exploring marriage counseling options. It was quite a struggle.

It’s not as if marriage counselling is something you look for every day. It’s also not something you think you’ll ever need (until you do!)

And when you do start to gather info about marriage counseling, there’s a lot! You don’t know what to believe and you don’t know where to start!

More importantly, you don’t want to make a mistake in choosing wrong!

Many of the couples we’ve helped tell us they’ve tried many options. Some admit they are desperate and for some it’s their last attempt at trying to save their relationship.

So we want to help you with what you need to know, give you the truth and keep it REAL

Let's dive right in...

Frequently Asked Questions about marriage counseling

Right below this you will find a list of questions/topics to explore. Click on any topic to get a quick answer to that question.

If you have a question and you can’t find it here, please let us know!

You can jump to any of the questions/topics right now or you can read on (after the list) to get more general info about marriage counselling before exploring the list of questions.

VERY IMPORTANT: It's OK not to be OK!

Let's start with this (because it is that IMPORTANT):

It's OK to struggle in your relationship.

It's NORMAL not to know how to resolve issues in your marriage.

You are NOT ALONE in seeking answers.

And never think or believe that there is something wrong with you or your relationship OR that you or your relationship are broken and need to be fixed!

Fact is we all struggle. We all have issues, We all have conflict and fight. We all have what we would describe as less-than-perfect marriages.

So it's OK not be OK.

You can look for help.

You can ask for professional advice.

You can LEARN to be better in relationship.

And when you do this you CAN be in a wonderful, fantastic, awesome marriage.

Ok, let's go...

What exactly is marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling can be described as type of therapy that helps couples recognize and resolve conflicts to improve their relationships.

Think of it as a tune-up for your marriage, designed to help you and your partner navigate life's roadblocks together.

What are the benefits of marriage counseling? 

There are many benefits. If you and your partner are committed to the process and willing to do the work, your relationship WILL benefit.

Some benefits include increased intimacy, emotional and psychological safety, increased understanding, better communication, and a happier family life.

Essentially, it gives you tools for a thriving relationship.

What are the goals of marriage counseling?

Common goals would include to restore connection, recreate emotional safety, improve communication and/or increase intimacy.

Other goals could be to save your marriage  stop divorce, heal from infidelity or re-awaken romance.

If possible, sit with your partner and identify what a positive outcome would look like for both of you. 

You can also reflect on your individual goals. Even if your goals are different from your partner's you can use the counseling sessions to find common ground and discuss the different goals.

Do we need marriage counseling?

This is a great question.

You probably know whether you need it or not but if you are unsure and want to check please click here for some great info.

Here is a very general way to answer the question. As this of yourself and also ask your partner:

If I had to give my marriage or relationship a mark our of 10, what would it be?

Let's say you give yourself a 7. Would you not want this to be a 9 or even a 10. If so, you probably need marriage counseling.

Let's say you give yourself a 2 out of 10. I am sure you want at least 7, don't you? You need marriage counseling to get there.

Go here to get all the info you need to answer this question for yourself. 

But does marriage counseling actually work?

Simple answer; yes it does!

You can click here for a more complete answer and some cool research (complete with facts, figures, findings and statistics).  

There are enough studies and research that suggest that many couples have benefited greatly from marriage counseling.

However, research also points out that significant positive results are possible  especially when both partners are committed to the process.

If only one partner is willing to participate, commit and do the work or there's a lack of honesty, counseling will most likely not work.

It almost goes without saying: Real and lasting change can only happen with real effort from both sides.

But will it work for me?

You might be asking, how can marriage counseling specifically help our or my situation?

There are general themes and topics that apply to most relationships and these can be addressed by the right tools, methods or therapies.

At the same time every couple's story is unique and everyone has their own way to deal with setbacks.

This is exactly where marriage counseling can help. Most methods and tools identify common themes while at the same time taking into account your own unique circumstances. 

It provides a safe space to tackle personal and shared issues, offering fresh perspectives and actionable advice to fix marriage problems.

How does marriage counseling work?

Typically, one books sessions with a marriage counseling expert (a professional therapist, counselor or coach). As a couple, you are then provided with a safe space where you can  talk about your relationship. openly and honestly. You are also given tools to help you resolve any issues. 

That's the short answer. There's a lot more to know and if you want to learn more (so you know exactly what you are getting into!) then please click here.

What should we expect from the process?

Expect to talk about your feelings and concerns openly and honestly, Everything you share in a marriage counseling session is confidential.

Trust the process; it will help you identify patterns in your relationship. It should NOT be about pointing fingers - it's about creating safety, connection, helping you to heal and to grow together.

What methods and/or theories of marriage counseling are there?

There are several theories, methodologies or schools of thought with regards to marriage counseling.

These all have similarities but with a different focus or angle and toolkits that might offer different practical approaches and exercises.

Some of the more popular methods include the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Imago Relationship Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Narrative Therapy and Solution-Focused Therapy 

Most marriage counselors are trained or have specialised in one of these "methods". Some therapists might use a combination of methodologies depending on their level of knowledge and experience.

What is the role of the  counselor?

Marriage counselors, therapists or coaches play an important part in the process. They will act as a neutral party who facilitates open and honest communication between partners. 

They also act as your guide and teaches you the tools and strategies you need to fix, build or rebuild your relationship. They provide you with a "map" for your journey 

It's therefore important to trust your marriage counselor and build a good rapport with them.  

How do we choose the right counselor?

Look for someone whose approach aligns with your needs and that you feel comfortable with.

It's important to find a counselor you both connect with. Also know what questions to ask before or during your first session. 

How long is a marriage counseling session?

Typically sessions last 45-90 minutes and are held on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. However, this all depends on your counselor, your needs and requirements as well as your availability.  

The duration and frequency can be discussed and negotiated with your chosen marriage counselor

How many marriage counseling sessions do we need? 

This usually depend on the issues you would like to resolve. It is safe to say that most couples (who commit to counseling) won't have less than a total of 8 hours worth of sessions (approximately 3-8 sessions depending on the length of each session).

If you are struggling with serious problems and you are committed to working hard to resolve these, you probably need (on average) between 12 and 20 hours of counseling (anything between 4 to 20 sessions).

Some couples have regular sessions (for example monthly, bi-monthly, quarterly or bi-yearly) to sustain what they have learned, prevent them from falling back into old bad habits and to keep growing their relationship.

How de we prepare for marriage counseling?

For your first or introductory session, think what it is you want to achieve. Reflect on any issues you want to resolve. You can do this as a couple and individually.

Also be ready to discuss your goals, issues and expectations.

Above all, prepare yourself to approach the sessions with an open mind and heart.

What topics/issues are covered?

Marriage counselors are trained to help you with any topic or issue you are struggling with.

These include lack of communication, lack of intimacy, sexual issues, financial problems,  constant fighting, lack of respect, different opinions and unresolved conflict.  

Focus on areas where you feel disconnected or misunderstood, and be open about what you hope to achieve.

Can marriage counseling happen online?

Yes it can. Online counseling is a relatively new format (but similar to teletherapy where counceling takes place telephonically).

While many people prefer face-to-face or in-person marriage counseling there are several reasons why some couples prefer online counseling.

There is also enough evidence to suggest that online counseling can have the same positive resuts as in-person counseling.

What are the alternatives to marriage counseling?

If you don't want to try marriage counseling for whatever reasons (financial, privacy, anxiety, not enough info etc.) issues, travel aren't feasible, consider online you can try to read some of the many books available on the subject, follow some of the free (or paid-for) online tools on the Internet or attend a couples workshop. Also try to explore some self-help resources to better your connection.

Anything we missed about marriage counseling?

We are sure you have more questions and we might have missed something. Please get in touch and let us know.

A journey to a new adventure

Everyone faces challenges in their relationship. Looking for help is not a sign of failure. It's the first step toward a thriving relationship adventure.

In our (and many other couples') experience, if you are willing to do the work and commit to using the marriage counseling tools, you WILL reap the rewards.

Take time to gather all the important info and resources about marriage counseling. The right fit can make all the difference in achieving a positive outcome.

Be patient. Be open. Be willing to explore, learn and change.

All the best on your journey to adventure!